Not into anal? You’re not “doing it wrong” and you are not alone.
A side is a man who generally doesn’t want anal penetration as part of sex (not topping, not bottoming) and prefers other kinds of intimacy and pleasure.
And yes: you can be a side and still be masculine, confident, and sexually intense. Side sex is side fun! Preference isn’t a personality test.
This site is informational. It’s not a hookup service.
What you’ll get here
Clear definitions, direct answers, and practical language you can use in real life. This is written for men who want honesty, not vague euphemisms.
Plain definition
Side means you don’t want to put your dick in someone’s ass and you don’t want someone putting a dick in yours.
Everything else is personal preference: oral, hands, frottage, rimming, toys, kink—your call.
Masculinity-friendly framing
A lot of guys get shamed like “real men top” or “real gay sex is anal.” That’s culture and ego—not biology.
You can be dominant, rugged, athletic, stoic, loud, quiet—whatever—and still be a side.
Boundaries without apologies
You don’t owe anyone anal. If you say no and someone keeps pushing, that’s pressure—not negotiation.
The FAQ includes example phrases you can use to stay direct without turning it into a debate.
Myths vs facts
Common claims online sound confident and still be wrong. Here’s the correction.
- “Anal is the only real sex between men.”
- “If you won’t bottom, you’re scared.”
- “Side is just foreplay.”
- Sex is defined by mutual arousal, consent, and pleasure—not one act.
- Not wanting anal can be preference, comfort, anatomy, history, or just taste.
- Many sides have intense sex without penetration—often with orgasms and strong chemistry.
How to talk about it (without drama)
Whether you’re dating, hooking up, or in a relationship—clarity early saves time later.
If you’re meeting someone new
Say it early and plainly. Don’t over-explain and don’t apologize.
Example: “I’m a side. I’m not into anal—no topping, no bottoming. I’m into oral, hands, and grind. If that works for you, cool.”
If you’re already partnered
If you’re realizing anal doesn’t work for you, it’s not a moral failure. It’s information.
Example: “I’m learning what actually feels right for me. I don’t want anal. I do want intimacy and sex—just different kinds. Let’s talk boundaries and what we both want.”
FAQ preview
The full FAQ goes deep: new/questioning, married/partnered, consent and pressure, rimming/toys/boundaries, “real sex” debates, and safer sex basics. Are you straight but bicurious, bisexual, in the closet? There's some content for you too.
Does being a side mean “no sex”?
No. Many sides have high sex drive and intense sex. “Side” mainly means anal penetration isn’t part of the deal.
Can a side still date a top or bottom?
Sometimes, yes—if both people respect boundaries and want the same kind of sex and relationship. Compatibility beats labels.
What if someone keeps pushing after I say no?
That’s a red flag. Repeating “no” is not a negotiation. The FAQ includes direct phrases and exit lines.