FAQ

A side is a man who does not want anal penetration as part of sex. In plain terms, he does not want to top (put his dick in someone’s ass) and he does not want to bottom (take a dick in his ass). That is the core meaning.

Side is not a moral position and it is not a “purity” label. It is simply a practical way to describe preference so that expectations are clear before anyone gets naked.

Being a side says nothing about your masculinity, confidence, dominance, experience, or worth. It only describes what you want sexually.

Yes, it is common. It often feels rare because hookup culture and porn overrepresent anal sex and make it seem like everyone is either topping or bottoming all the time. In real life, many men prefer sex that does not revolve around penetration, or they simply do not enjoy anal at all.

A lot of men also keep it private because they have been mocked or pressured. The label “side” gives language to a preference that has existed for a long time.

No, it does not mean “no sex.” Many sides have a strong sex drive and very active sex lives. The difference is that they prefer other kinds of sex more than anal penetration.

Side sex can include blow jobs, hand jobs, mutual jerking off, grinding (frottage), rimming, toys, kink, and intense physical closeness. Penetration is not required for arousal, satisfaction, or orgasm.

Yes, it is real sex. Sex is defined by mutual desire, consent, stimulation, and pleasure. Plenty of men orgasm without penetration, and plenty of men feel more connected and turned on when sex stays out of the top/bottom lane.

Anal sex is one possible activity between men, not the definition of sex between men.

No. Orientation is about who you are attracted to, while “side” describes what kinds of sex you prefer. A man can be gay and not want anal. A man can be bi and prefer sex without penetration. A man can be questioning and still know what his boundaries are.

If you want men and you enjoy intimacy with men, you do not need to prove anything through one particular act.

For some men, side is consistent for life. For others, preferences shift with age, experience, trust, health, or partner. If your preferences change, that does not mean you were “faking” before. It just means you learned more about your body and what you enjoy.

The label is a tool for clarity, not a contract you sign forever.

Yes. Being a side has nothing to do with being soft, feminine, or weak. It has to do with what kind of sex you want. Many sides are traditionally masculine men who simply do not enjoy anal penetration and are not interested in making it the goal.

Masculinity is expressed through how you carry yourself, how you treat people, and how you live your life. It is not defined by whether you top or bottom.

Because male bodies, strength, sweat, competition, and proximity can trigger arousal. Gyms and sports environments are highly physical, and they put you around other men in tight clothing, high effort, and intense energy. That can light up attraction even in men who have always called themselves straight.

The same thing can happen around firefighters, military, cops, construction crews, and other traditionally masculine environments. Feeling turned on does not force you to do anything. It also does not mean you have to pick a label on the spot. It simply means your body responds to something.

Not necessarily. Sexual attraction and romantic preference can overlap, but they are not identical for everyone. Some men want sex with men but still prefer relationships with women. Some men are open to both. Some men discover they want relationships with men after they get comfortable with the idea.

You do not have to solve your entire identity to understand your attraction.

It can, but oral alone does not define it. A lot of men enjoy receiving oral, including tops, bottoms, and versatile men. Side is mainly about not wanting anal penetration and preferring other kinds of sex instead.

A useful self-check is simple: if you generally feel happiest and most satisfied when sex does not include anal, and you do not feel a pull toward topping or bottoming, then “side” may describe you well.

Yes. Many sides enjoy giving oral and find it intensely satisfying. Liking to suck dick does not automatically mean you want to bottom, and it does not mean you are “missing” something.

For a lot of men, oral is not a warm-up. It is the main event.

Yes. Side does not mean you are making a lifetime oath. It means that anal penetration is not your default preference and not the main thing you are seeking. Some men try anal later and decide it is not for them. Some decide it works occasionally. Some never want it. You are allowed to use the label that fits you now.

If you want to keep it simple in conversation, you can say, “I’m a side. I’m not into anal,” and you do not need to add a long footnote unless you want to.

Yes. Pain and anxiety are valid reasons to say no. You do not need a philosophical justification for not wanting something in your body. Some men dislike anal because it hurts. Some dislike the prep and the stress. Some feel anxious, tense, or disconnected. Some simply do not enjoy the sensation. All of that “counts,” because preference is enough.

Also, you do not owe anyone a medical explanation. “I’m not into anal” is a complete sentence.

No. Foreplay implies that the “real” sex is penetration. Side sex does not revolve around that goal. For sides, oral, hands, grinding, and touch are often the full experience, not a lead-in.

If someone treats everything you enjoy as “just foreplay,” it usually means they are trying to steer you toward anal, not trying to understand your preference.

Sometimes, but usually only for communication or context. A side might say he is “not a top and not a bottom” to make it clear quickly. Some sides also date tops or bottoms and use those words to describe their partner’s preferences, not their own.

The point is clarity, not belonging to a tribe.

Many men get intensely turned on by touch, massage, and skin-on-skin closeness, especially in a calm, controlled situation that does not feel like a performance test. Massage can lead to kissing, mutual touching, a hand job, oral sex, or simply the kind of physical closeness that makes you feel alive again.

For men who are nervous, closeted, married, or simply new to male intimacy, starting with massage and touching can be a lower-pressure way to explore attraction without jumping into penetration. A respectful partner will move slowly, check in, and stop the moment you say stop.

Many sides enjoy rimming, giving or receiving. Rimming involves the ass, but it does not involve penile penetration. For many men, that line matters. Some love it because it is intimate, physical, and intense without crossing into penetration.

Some sides do not like rimming at all. Both are normal. Side describes your boundary around penetration, not a required “menu.”

Some do, some do not. Toys are a personal choice, and they vary widely. A man might enjoy a small plug during masturbation, enjoy external stimulation, or enjoy a toy in a very controlled way with a trusted partner. Another man might want zero anal stimulation of any kind. Both can be sides.

A key point is that solo exploration and partnered penetration are not the same thing. Enjoying a toy does not automatically mean you want anal sex with another man.

No. Enjoying a sensation in one context does not obligate you to enjoy it in every context. A toy can be small, slow, controlled, and stopped instantly. A partner’s dick is different in speed, size, pressure, and emotional dynamics. Those are not the same experience.

If your boundary is “no penetration with a partner,” that boundary is valid even if you sometimes play with toys on your own.

You keep it simple and direct. You do not need to explain your childhood or your psychology. You can say, “I don’t do anal,” and then say what you do like. Clear is sexy, because it prevents confusion.

If you want a practical example, you can say: “I’m a side. No topping, no bottoming. I’m into oral, hands, and grinding. Rimming is a maybe, depending on chemistry.” You can be straightforward without being cold.

It means your attraction is broader than you thought, or it is shifting over time, or you are finally letting yourself admit what you have felt for years. For some men, it begins with visual attraction. For others, it begins with physical closeness, like wrestling, training, or being around strong male energy.

You do not have to panic, and you do not have to pick a label immediately. Curiosity does not erase your past, and it does not force you into a particular role. You can learn, explore slowly, and keep your boundaries.

Yes, it is normal. A lot of men are curious about men but do not want anal penetration, especially at the beginning. Some men never want it at all. Fear can come from pain concerns, hygiene worries, anxiety about performance, loss of control, or simply not wanting someone inside you.

Side preference gives you a legitimate lane where you can be sexual with men without forcing yourself into anal. You are allowed to start with what feels natural: kissing, touching, mutual jerking off, oral, and slow escalation if you want it.

Many men think “gay sex” automatically means anal penetration because that is what porn and stereotypes push. In real life, sex between men can be oral, hands, grinding, rimming, toys, kink, or penetration, and it depends on the men involved.

If your attraction is real and you enjoy male touch and male bodies, you do not have to prove it by doing one specific act.

Yes, it can be normal. Touch is powerful. A skilled massage, strong hands, and close physical contact can trigger arousal, even if you have never thought of yourself as gay or bi. For some men, massage is the first safe bridge into exploring male intimacy.

Enjoying a massage does not force a label. What matters is what you want next, if anything, and whether you can explore it safely and consensually.

Not necessarily. Some men are primarily straight but have situational or occasional attraction to men. Some men are bisexual and never had the language for it. Some men are gay and spent years suppressing it. Arousal is information, not a verdict.

If you are curious, you can explore slowly. Side activities often feel safer for new guys because they can be intimate and sexual without the intensity of anal penetration.

For many men, curiosity shows up later. Sometimes it is because life calms down enough to hear your own desires. Sometimes it is because stress, aging, porn patterns, or emotional disconnection pushes you toward something different. Sometimes it is because you have always had the attraction, but you kept it buried.

Thinking is not the same as acting. The important part is being honest with yourself about what you want and being realistic about the impact on your relationship. If you choose to explore, you should do it with boundaries, consent, and respect for everyone involved.

Not automatically. Many men do not understand their own sexuality or preferences until later. Preference can also change with time, health, stress, and experience. Learning something new about yourself does not mean your past was a lie.

If you start making secret plans or hiding behavior, that is where trust can break. The label itself is not the issue. How you handle it is.

Fantasy is not automatically cheating. Cheating is about breaking agreements. Some couples have strict boundaries; others have flexibility. If you are considering acting, you should think about what your partner would consider a breach and what your relationship agreements actually are.

If you are married with kids, the consequences are real, and you should not treat exploration like a casual hobby. It can still be possible to explore, but it needs maturity.

Yes, it is common. Many married or closeted men want to start with something low-pressure, like a massage, making out, mutual touching, or receiving oral. They often want someone who can host, understands the need for discretion, and does not push them into penetration.

A respectful partner moves slowly, checks in, and accepts “no” without sulking. If someone tries to rush you, shame you, or turn your boundaries into a debate, that is not a safe partner for a first experience.

In real life, sex between men is not one standardized act. It is whatever two men mutually want and consent to. It can be kissing, oral, mutual masturbation, grinding, rimming, toys, kink, penetration, or something in between.

Porn often makes it look like anal penetration is the goal and everything else is a warm-up. For many men, that is not how sex works. Many men do not do anal at all, and many men do it only sometimes.

These words are shorthand for sexual preferences. A top prefers penetrating. A bottom prefers being penetrated. A side generally does not want anal penetration at all. People talk about them because it can prevent mismatched expectations.

The problem is that some people treat these labels like identity ranks or masculinity tests. That is where the pressure and shaming starts. Labels should be used for clarity, not as a way to dominate a conversation.

Common activities include kissing, oral sex, mutual masturbation, hand jobs, grinding, body-to-body contact, rimming, toys, and kink. Some men enjoy penetration; others do not. Many men mix and match depending on chemistry and trust.

If you are new, you can start with what feels natural. You do not have to jump straight to extreme scenarios to have real sex.

No. Many do not. Some try it and stop. Some never want it. Some enjoy it only with a trusted partner, and some enjoy it often. There is no universal rule.

If someone tries to tell you that anal is the “default” and you must conform, they are speaking for themselves, not for all men.

Yes. Curiosity and hesitation can exist at the same time. If you are new, it is normal to be turned on by men and still feel unsure about what you want to do physically. You are allowed to explore in steps.

A good partner respects pace. A bad partner tries to rush you or treat hesitation as a challenge.

The simplest approach is to say it early and plainly, without apologizing. You can say, “I’m a side, so I don’t do anal. I’m into oral, hands, and grinding.” If you want to add detail, add it, but do not turn it into a negotiation.

If someone reacts like you offended them, that is useful information. You just found out they do not respect boundaries.

That is pressure. It is not flirting and it is not “chemistry.” You do not owe anyone access to your body. If someone cannot accept your boundary, they are not compatible with you.

If you need language, you can say, “I said no. If you keep pushing, we’re done.” Clear boundaries are not rude.

It is okay only if you genuinely want to, not because you feel pressured, ashamed, or afraid of being judged. Trying something once does not obligate you to keep doing it, and you do not need to “prove” anything.

If you decide to try, do it safely and with someone who respects your ability to stop immediately. If you feel coerced, it is not a good idea.

Yes. Oral sex, rimming, skin-to-skin contact, and bodily fluids can transmit infections. Side activities often carry lower risk than anal penetration, but “lower risk” is not “no risk.”

If you are sexually active, regular testing and honest communication matter. If you are new, it is worth learning the basics before you jump in.

Safer sex depends on what you are doing. Many sides focus on boundaries, testing, and hygiene, and some use barriers depending on the activity. The key is to treat safety as normal, not as a vibe-killer.

If you are not sure what is appropriate for your situation, talk to a clinician or sexual health clinic. Getting informed is part of being an adult.

You stop. Pain, bleeding, or panic are signals, not something to “push through.” If you are dealing with ongoing pain or anxiety, get professional help. You deserve a sex life that is not built on suffering.

This site cannot diagnose you, but it can give you permission to take your body seriously. Do not let anyone pressure you into ignoring pain.

No. That is a preference being pushed as a rule. Many men love anal sex. Many men do not. Neither group gets to define what “real sex” means for everyone else.

If you are satisfied with oral, hands, grinding, and other side activities, your sex life is real. You do not need to justify it.

That line usually means the person wants what they want and is annoyed you will not provide it. That is not your problem. Compatibility matters, and it is better to find out early than to waste time with someone who thinks your boundaries are an inconvenience.

The right response is simple: “We’re not a match.” You do not owe them an argument.

Men have preferred sex without anal penetration forever. The label is newer, but the preference is not. A useful label reduces confusion and reduces pressure. That is why it spread.

That is false. Many sides are highly sexual and want frequent sex. They just do not want anal penetration. Asexuality is about low or absent sexual attraction, which is a different topic.